In a real way I’ve failed. I have a half novel, a novella, and not a novel at all.

However, I’ve learned a few things – the most important of which is that I can’t write every day (even if I wanted to) and that some targets are millstones not milestones.

The Certainty of Dust exists in a readable format, just shy of 35,000 words. The draft has gone to 3 beta readers. I could do with 1, possibly 2 more beta readers – if you’d like to do so please drop me a line (I can’t offer anything apart from your name in lights in the book and my eternal gratitude if you were so kind to offer). If I hadn’t done this crazy challenge that wouldn’t have been the case. I’d still be procrastinating.

Once I have beta comments I’ll revise and edit and then send to my publisher who has asked for first refusal (so, no guarantee they’ll take it). If they refuse I’ll start punting it to various other publishers.

I have also learned that my ongoing writing crisis (caused by fear of disappointing expectation) is really a crisis and not just because I was busy. Hence the procrastinating. Despite Emma Newman‘s great advice at Fairford Festival that procrastination is just armour against fear. Fear of finishing, fear of failure, fear of success. You just have to write through it. But am I determined enough? Do I want ‘it’ enough? What is ‘it’ anyway? Publication? Fame, fortune and fast cars? The adulation of the masses and respect of my peers? Why do it? That’s something I need to ponder…

At the same time I’ve enjoyed some success (won a couple of competitions, had a story in the best of horror, shortlisted for the BFA and various people I respect telling me I’m a good writer) my novels have failed to make any splash whatsoever. My aim for Seven Deadly Swords was to get more reviews than for Sick City Syndrome. I not only got less, but some of the ones I did get were removed from Amazon. Sales-wise they’ve been poor. Both much, much poorer than A Tiding of Magpies (which also has more reviews). So each book has done worse than the one before. That sort of puts me off as writing a book is quite a lot of work. So at the same time I feel there is some expectation (based purely on the short stories really) I also feel like the books are failing to find an audience. Although Small Press publishing was always going to mean (unless you have a serious stroke of luck) a limited distribution.

My bio for a long time said I made more money from non-fiction and joked that I should write that exclusively. (It’s a close run thing now as to which has made me more money. Oh and ‘more money’ is very relative – it’s still tiny amounts in the grand scheme). Now I’m wondering if novels are where it’s at for me. Of course the counter is that my first ever novel I tried to write was published (after a *lot* of rewriting) and the second too.  I wrote a few short stories before I sold any.

I’m certainly going to go and work on The Museum of Forgetting (my next short story collection, for which I am writing new stories) while waiting for the beta feedback. Coincidently that also (with 5 stories written: 4 shorts and a novelette) stands at just less than 35,000 words.

I’ve signed up to do two writing retreats next year – and I hope to get my mojo back. I’ve also bought a pile of research books for the next project, another historical fantasy set in the 1600’s. So I guess I’ll carry on with this writing lark, and try to ignore any expectation of publication or ‘success.’ For now, success is finishing books.

If you’d like to hear what the beginning of The Certainty of Dust sounds like I’ll be doing a reading at BristolCon (an expurgated version as it’s only 5 minutes) – I’ll also be at the Airship Shape and Bristol Fashion 2 launch. I’m really happy that Jo & Roz accepted a story from me, despite it being mid-crisis and my first attempt being a bit of a mess (they rightly got me to rewrite and it’s much better now). My story is called The Engine At The Heart Of The City and is set on a flying city.

Anyway. It’s Friday, it’s four o’clock so not quite Crackerjack. But it is time I put this to bed and welcomed the weekend in…

Happy Reading & Happy Writing!

 

 

 

The penultimate week

The MS stands at a couple of hundred words less than 35k. But the work I’ve been doing on it this week isn’t really reflected in wordcount. I’ve been doing a lot of highlighting (what’s immediate scene, what’s narrative summary is one highlighted file. The different character’s dialogue is another) and marking up for editing. I think as soon as I finished the last chapter my brain has switched to editing mode. There are a couple of dodgy scenes that need to be rewritten and/or pumped up but that’s been shuffled into editing.

Self-editing is a special kind of hell. All rewriting is rewriting and some people are good at getting a splurge of words down and then cutting it into shape. But I’m an underwriter (as if you haven’t noticed) so self-editing for me is generally plumping up the prose – which is always too spare. Part of being spare is stylistic of course so not plumping too much is a thing – but do I trust myself as a reader? (not of my own writing is the answer) so I’m now setting up a bunch of beta readers too.

My main aim from this 100 days was to get a good draft to edit and I may have sneakily started to get it ready to edit before the 100 days are up. Which is another way of saying, to myself, that I’d better finish off those dodgy scenes by the end of next week…

Happy Reading & Happy Writing!

Day 82
18 days left

32477 words which is around 400 words a day (almost) “For more than three years I wrote more than 400 words every day. I mean, every calendar day. If, in those pre-portable days, I couldn’t get to a keyboard, I wrote hard the previous night and caught up the following day, and if it ever seemed that it was easy to do the average I upped the average.” Terry Pratchett

So if it was good enough for Pratchett…

I have though written more words than that. I’ve moved scenes around. I’ve cut scenes and words. It’s hovered around to 30-40k mark for the last two weeks. Even when I’ve cut almost 10,000 words. But I am in a happier place now. I have a few scenes left to write which will bump up the word count over the next two weeks – 18 days until this challenged is over. And I will definitely end up with what I wanted, a ‘good’ draft. Well, a better draft than I had already (some scenes were bullet points, a couple were no more than a sentence) and something that is editable. It might even be good enough to send to a first reader, it’ll be novella length probably but crucially – it’ll be complete.

I have also learned a few things. The first and most important thing is a lesson relearned. (and I covered it on the blog here) The well runs dry, I’m a battery not a dynamo. A daily target is a demotivator for me, was so for the two times I failed NaNoWriMo and yet I went into this knowing that 100 days meant that there needed to be a daily word count.

I also learned that the hybrid plan/pants approach works – but the plan had too little narrative for a 70k book. That’s not necessarily a problem if the publisher will accept a Novella. (If not I’ll see if another publisher would – and start again on the novel I owe the original publisher) Stories find their own length.

Some news – I’ll be doing Milford next year and I’m in discussions to be a speaker at an interesting event in 2020 too (more info as that becomes public). I’ll be at FantasyCon in Glasgow next month as well as Bristol Festival of Literature and BristolCon. I’ve volunteered for the programme at both FantasyCon and BristolCon but have no details what (if anything) I’ll be doing there.

At BFL I’ll be reading at a North Bristol Writers event (get your tickets here) and I’ll be at a few other events – most notably Adaptation at Storysmiths which should be a great event.

Hope to see some of you there!

Happy Reading & Happy writing

I did a bad thing. I should be at 55k now, I am a lot less than that and it’s because of the bad thing. As I’d slowed, a lot, which is usual in the middle slog, I went back to the beginning and re-read. And edited. And lost a few thousand words. Oops. OK, I’ve done a whole bunch of posts of “doing it wrong” and not following received wisdom on writing and this is another one.

Received wisdom is ‘just get it down then fix it later’ and you are supposed to press on and not worry about mistakes until you go through second draft. However, the counterpoint I’d put here is that if the reason you are slowing down is that you’ve taken a wrong turn then ignoring that and carrying on is counterproductive. OK, no writing is wasted, as such, it’s all practise but. But… it’s possible it’s wasted effort on this project, right now.

The other thing I did is also possibly a mistake. I did a quick and dirty version of the second half – you know, just press on with it. No fancy writing. And I’m now wondering if, when it tops out, when I fill in the corners, that this novel is actually a novella.

There’s less than a month to go on this challenge and I will end up with an editable draft, because I already have that, but it isn’t going to be 70k words… currently it’s a little less than half that and I think will end up at around the 50k mark – so just novel length (if you believe NanoWriMo) but a very short novel. But then stories find their own lengths. I just wonder if the publisher will still be interested. Of course you’ll find out shortly after I do, because I’ll blog it.

Happy reading & writing – more next week.

Another week has flown by and another disappointing wordcount. I’m still behind, at less than 40,000 words when I should be on 50,000 at this point. Ah well, blame politics – I’ve not been able to tear myself away from Twitter and news sites for the absolute shambles that’s on display. It’s been simultaneously hilarious and frightening how quickly the Tories have imploded as soon as Parliament is in session. But as tempting for me to continue watching I have a month left to finish this self-imposed challenge so I’d best crack on. 1,000 words a day, seven days a week is what it’ll take. Wish me luck!

Having not really written for two weeks I am behind. I should be on 45,000 words, but I’m on just less than 35,000. I’ve done half a novel but have used up over half the time.

Lots of things can stop you writing I’ve found. In the War of Art Steven Pressfield talks about “resistance” and gets all spiritual – According to Pressfield, Resistance is a malignant presence that exists to block you. It rises up against you to stop you from doing what you most need to do: “The more important a call or action is to our soul’s evolution, the more Resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.”

but I think that’s mostly bollocks – writing a novel isn’t “soul evolution” – I mean you might learn things about yourself and the world writing a novel but it’s not some Buddhist practise towards enlightenment (YMMV).

Bruce Holland Rogers in Word Work talks about procrastination as armour – it serves a purpose (otherwise we wouldn’t do it), it protects us, and he identifies different styles of procrastination – like the perfectionist’s need to get everything right before moving on or the hedonist’s need to put off unpleasant tasks in favour of comfort and pleasure etc.

Of those I feel I am more the second than the first. I come home tired from work, didn’t write much that night. I go on holiday and take the journal and a tablet but don’t open either etc.

Why do it now when you can put it off till later?

I need to avoid the ‘do it right before deadline’ in order to avoid the ‘never do it’.

I am on day 61, 39 days/5 weeks to write 35,000 words? starting to look like I need to hit 7,000 words a week from now on… tune in next week to see how that goes!

 

There was no week seven. I flitted across the border and took it with me.

In Glasgow, I met with another writer. We spoke, and ate a vegan meal, then watched random music in a basement. Drummer with mouthgag, a band describing themselves as being like ‘a sad wank in a bath’ and the headliners who somehow were the worst of the three. But were very energetic. I didn’t write anything.

In Loch Lomond I took a cruise from Luss and saw an osprey. I didn’t write.

I climbed Ben Lomond. It hailed. I got too hot. It was muggy. It rained. Lots of people passed me going both ways. I got to the top and took a photograph. I didn’t write.

I went to Stirling. The Wallace monument, lost the ticket but they let us in anyway, people in Scotland are friendly and nice. I drove the same road several times, parked in the same car park twice. Spent a few hours at the castle. Bumped unexpectedly into a writer from Bristol. We chatted for a while then went our separate ways. I didn’t write.

I drank a lot of whisky and visited a pub that was closed and one that wasn’t. It drizzled. I didn’t write.

I went to Edinburgh and did the Fringe – comedy, show, theatre, weird wrestling videos with comedians, shows, more shows, more comedy. I didn’t write.

I met a writer in Edinburgh. We drank lots of beer at the book festival. I listened to writers talk about their writing. I bumped into another writer I know who I didn’t know lived in Scotland. He went off to listen to other writers talk about writing. I ate Chinese food and didn’t write.

The tablet and keyboard went unused. Lugged from Glasgow to Dumbarton to Edinburgh pointlessly.

I watched Twitter as thousands of people converged on Dublin for WorldCon and all my writer friends socialised and probably talked about writing.

I didn’t write.

It’s now week eight and the total still stands at 31,000

I have some catching up to do.

<Cracks Knuckles>